Okay, yes I know, half birthday celebration really? But get this I will take any chance to celebrate my childs life. We celebrated Nicholas’ half birthday as a ‘holy crap I can’t believe we kept his alive for 6 months’ not because we thought we weren’t capable, but because it truly is a HUGE deal. So, per tradition we celebrated Emilia’s half birthday as well.
For me this time it was more of a ‘holy crap I survived the last six months’. I haven’t talked about it much because honestly I don’t know how to say it, but the last six months have not been easy. I definitely wouldn’t say I’ve been dealing with PPD, but I have been struggling. Struggling with guilt that I want more sleep, struggling with guilt because I can’t give Nicholas the same amount of attention as before, struggling because my house is never clean, struggling because I’m always ‘on’, and as an introverted person I need alone time. Time to unwind and not be needed. So it’s been hard, but I did it and both of my kids are happy, healthy, and thriving. I’m finally finding my groove and starting to struggle less every day.
I often hear how having two is “easy” because you’ve already done it etc. I strongly disagree. Yes the postpartum changes with my body and all of that stuff was easier to take this time, actually didn’t even phase me. Breastfeeding was easier, and caring for a newborn was something I already knew how to do. BUT taking care of TWO under TWO (23 months apart it counts) that is a completely different game all together, like you’re not even in the same league anymore. It’s the hardest most amazing time of my life and I wouldn’t change it for anything, but I want to be honest with you. It’s hard, so hard.
I want to be sure to add in all the fun things I can in this time of our lives though, becasue it matters to me that we make fun memories that we can look back and hopefully these days will be the ones that stick out to me the most. So, we threw a little half birthday party for Emilia and it was everything I wanted and more.