A question that pops up in my messages frequently lately and seriously shocks me because I feel the COMPLETE opposite is: “how do you handle having two so close so well? You make it look so easy”
Well, thank you, but it’s hard as f*ck. They’re 23 months apart and even though we most definitely tried (for 7 months) for them to be this close it is way harder than I ever anticipated. Like so much harder. And for me, someone who hates asking for help, it’s extra hard because help is necessary. But I make sure to ask anyway, because without it I’d be completely lost.
When Emilia was first born my mom was here, my sister was staying with us, and my husband took two weeks off from work. That made the first month a lot easier because there were a ton of extra hands. Then my younger sister came and stayed with us for a little bit to help as well, and my husband took random days off here and there to help as well. By the time Emilia was 2 months old though all that extra help was gone and my husband was back to his regular work schedule. Maybe because of the help I had it was easier then, so it definitely looked that way; it’s not easy now though.
The only answer I can give at this point on how I seem to “do it all” is that I don’t, but I try my damn hardest every day to be my best and be okay with that.
Here are some things that have made it easier now that I’m on my own for most of the day:
1. I have an amazing partner in life who saved vacation days, and planned his baby bonding time in order to be able to help me when I’ll need it the most this first year. So I know that when and if I need his help I can ask for it and it will be there. Just knowing that the help is there if I need it relieves a lot of anxiety.
2. I took the time to miss my one on one time with Nicholas, and I plan activities for just the two of us. I take full advantage when Emilia is napping to give my little guy 1000% of my attention.
3. I lean into the support system I do have. So my advice to other mamas out there with one, two, three, or more kids ASK FOR HELP and LEAN on those who offer their support because if they’re offering they’re more than happy to be there.
4. I make myself a priority. I workout, eat healthy, and have things for just me. 20-30 minutes a day of working out, walks with my husband (and our kids), and me time once everyone has gone to bed.
5. I have a schedule. It’s a pretty loose schedule but having a sense of routine has helped a ton, because I know what to expect next and so do the kids. Emilia of course is a little too young to understand this, but she feels the routine and knows the order that things will happen. Nicholas thrives on a schedule so his stays the same every day, and Emilia’s works around his.