For as long as I can remember my life was consumed by a number and I let that number dictate my happiness. Which, ironically enough even when I reached that “magic” number I still wasn’t happy.
This year for halloween we decided we were going to go with the classic superhero theme as a family. My husband and I had left over costumes from previous years so we just went with those. As I pulled mine out of the box I knew it was going to fit, but I’d be lying if I didn’t feel a small bit of anxiety about putting it back on. I remembered how uncomfortable I was the first time around wearing it; the tugging, shifting, sucking it in, etc. If you’ve been there you know the long lasting effect that feeling can have on someone. Quite simply though I’ll let the pictures speak for themselves about the difference in how I felt this time around.
Same costume, different girl. Completely.
I used to look back at the first photo and think wow that girl really needs someone to shake her and tell her how beautiful she is. I would look back at that time for a long time and think “man if only I were as fat as I thought I was back then”. You see, this is why the scale is crap. I OBSESSED over what the scale said. Let it consume me and let it control my worth. I just knew if I lost those last 3 pounds I’d be happy, and I was anything but while trying to get there. Big shocker, when I did get there I wasn’t any happier, I was actually MORE critical of myself. I never spent any time celebrating my accomplishments or recognizing the hard work I put in or the commitment I had toward my goals.
Now? I haven’t stepped on a scale in over 6 months, and I don’t look at my weight when going to the doctor. I wish I could say that I’d be strong enough to step on the scale and not let the sick cycle start again, but I’m not there just yet. I am much happier not knowing how much I weigh and focusing on how my clothes fit and how I feel. If I wake up feeling “lean” I don’t want to step on the scale and let that immediately discourage me (because it used to). I’ve done a lot of work in the personal development and self love department. As cheesy as that sounds it actually works! I’m proof. That girl in those pictures is PROOF that you could literally look the same physically and look like a completely different person because of the story you’re telling yourself on the inside.
So, throw out those scales and stop letting them tell you your worth. You are beautiful just the way you are, and as long as you are working on being a better you daily, exercising regularly, and feeding your body good nutritious foods you’re doing all that you need to do.